2004-08-05 - 4:59 p.m.
Well, I took my children to daycare like I always do every morning of my life. I owed $18.00 and they said if I didn�t have it right then, then my children couldn�t attend today until I had it. So, I said, well, that is a ludicrous cycle, since if I have no childcare then I can�t go to work and miss working for money, and then I lose my job and I can�t pay for anything, let alone child care.
I called my son�s unreliable father and he said he had a dollar to his name. I have less than that if you stretch it out �budget� style until I next get paid. And I don�t get paid until NEXT Friday. He could give me money Sunday, but that would mean I would have to miss today, Thursday, and then tomorrow, Friday until I could pay the $18. PLUS, I would owe a new amount of $12.00 for next week. Yes, it�s quite a deal but at the rate I�m going...I don�t even have that sometimes. So, then I called my poor mother who asked me why I hadn�t mentioned that I needed help sooner. Well, let�s see, your father, age 93, is going senile and you�re recovering from neck surgery and are still in physical therapy and still aren�t able to drive your car, and still on workers� comp. so that makes you the last person I�m going to borrow $18.00 from. She told me to come and get the check and that she would talk to the daycare. I reminded her that one time I brought them after ten a.m. and they wouldn�t let me leave them cuz it was against their policy to accept children after ten a.m. Somehow, she got them to let me bring them.
I brought them my mother�s check, they let me leave my kids. So, I went into work two hours late. Sigh. Before I made it back to Fort Myers though, my mom had given me five bucks aside from the daycare check and my sister (the good one with the older sons) also gave me twenty bucks. Totally unexpected, m�kay. She handed it to me while holding up traffic at a stop sign and cupped my chin in her hand and told me that she loved me before she got back into her car. The only response I had was �Sorry.�
Sorry means a lot of things...mostly, SORRY I�M SO DILAPIDATED. I�ve been a charity case all my life it seems. I�m not sure how or why or when the Heavens above and Universe decided to make me the charity case of the area, but I am. My parents were poor, I�m poor, I attract boyfriends who remain poor and dilapidated.
So, anyway, I went to counseling today. She said that I need to ACT and get another job. Either a better job (that�s a given) or a part-time job to work at night after my daytime job. Reason being, I cannot rely on men any longer. I mentioned how I used to �dance� and discussed how that would probably be a bad choice for extra money cuz I can�t stand when men look at me or talk to me. Well, Jimbo is a different story, I am attracted to him. But I hate sitting at stop lights or walking through parking lots...because of oglers. So, naturally, the following conversation with men giving me money at a strip club would not go over well and would cause me to lose money:
HORNY MALE: �Hi, what�s your name?�
ME: �None of your business.�
HORNY MALE: �Do you know how pretty you are? Do you know what I could do with a body like yours?�
ME: �No, I think you should be locked up and/or incarcerated for thinking about my body that way. I hate you and everyone like you.�
Needless to say, I wouldn�t make much money at that rate. So, I�m thinking 7-11 Stores, MAYBE my old telesurvey gig...puke, I know. Perhaps Publix or Wal-Mart. The deal is (cuz I�ve thought this over a million times) I would have to ask my childcare assistance people if they would swing covering childcare assistance for me at those hours, etc. I go on the 25th to get redetermined so I could ask her then. I also would have to pick a place that didn�t mind me showing up at 6:30 p.m. or 7:00 p.m. so that rules out the mall, cuz they do not have 2 hour shifts (they close at 9 p.m.), and it rules out pizza joints and most other restaurants cuz their dinner rush hours are five to eight, so I could possibly be a bus girl at Friday�s again cuz they are open late. My counselor said I am no longer allowed to rely on men for money so sugar daddies are out of the question. Prostitution is illegal�I mentioned that it was illegal, not that I was seeking employment in that direction, ahem. So, right now I�m delivering yellow page phone books again like I did last year. It�s kind of a pain in the ass, but what else am I going to do for an extra hundred bucks here and there. I am going to have to work really hard at delivering them though, so that I can try to get another route or two and deliver them as well. I really am just desperate for money right now. My route will take approximately 679 phone books to satisfy all the residences/businesses in that area, m�kay. And my car only held 170 today...so I have to keep going back to get more, etc. I have to clean out my trunk and stuff again to make more room so that I can haul more at a time. Then I have to get a newspaper on Sunday and start checking for better paying jobs, etc. Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Apparently, ten bucks an hour doesn�t cut it in my world any longer. It never really did. I thought it would, but when you don�t have benefits and you don�t get exactly FULL TIME hours, then, well, you know, you suffer and struggle and live paycheck to paycheck.
There�s also a big catch .22 that I encounter weekly if not day to day. I get sick a lot when the season strikes and then I get sick in all kinds of other ways. Don�t suggest the flu shot to me cuz something happens every year where I can�t get it. I think it would make things worse for me anyway if I did get it. So, anyway, if I had health insurance, I would be able to go to the doctor and not suffer so long before finally getting the courage up to going to the doctor. Plus, if I DID NEED a day to rest, I would have sick hours/days or vacation days to use so that it wouldn�t kill me to lose that day (like it does now). I think benefits for me would essentially benefit everyone. But, who am I?
Okay, I have to leave now. It�s OPEN HOUSE at both my children�s schools. Have a good.
