2004-08-06 - 1:04 p.m.
I realized last night in bed that I don�t have TIME to have another (second) job. I mean, holy Christ. I have kids doing homework at night, I can�t rely on someone else to check their homework. No one�s as smart as I am. No one will do their bedtime rituals right. Plus, if I have to buy food for every daycare and babysitter they stay with, then that, along with gas expenses and my meals out of the house, will defeat the whole purpose of me making extra money. I will be working just to spend money in order to work. If that makes sense. There�s no way in hell I can get a part time job. My immune system is bad enough as it is. Plus, if I spend that much time away from home, nothing will ever get cleaned, INCLUDING LAUNDRY that I usually do every single day, plus, I�ll get ZERO sleep hours. No sleep is also bad for the immune system. So, I need a raise.
I delivered phone books last night (just to a few places) and this morning. It made me late to work. And I see that I need to go back and get the rest of my route in however many trips it may take because they are not open on the weekends to get more phone books. Crap. So, on my lunch break...I�m already going to the doctor, ahem, for ahem, psych meds, and then I have to swing by the phone book depot and get as many as I can. Since the kids will be in daycare, I could fill the whole car, but then I have to make sure I go home and drop off the load that is in their seats plus go back to get the rest of it. I�m going to be busy this weekend. And this isn�t the only load I�m doing this month. I see that now. I need more money, so I will try to take on one or two more loads if I can. I don�t know if I can. I�m lucky enough to have until the 10th to complete this one route, but who knows how they will be for the next routes. My daughters helped me mostly. It was really helpful. But I could have done it a lot faster. But still, they were very nice to help.
It was so hot out there too. It started raining right when I dropped them off at daycare. We started at 7 a.m. and I got them to daycare about 9:20 or so. So, I was hot, sweaty, and drizzled on. I had worn shorts and I changed into my work pants in the parking lot at work. No, nobody saw, I don�t think. But just doing that and realizing that it was really only 2 hours, I realized that I really don�t have time to do other things besides my job and my life schedule that I have now. I can�t get a second job and be serious about it. Unless it�s a work-at-home thing. Maybe I could type up stuff for people at home. Cuz I can�t work till six Mondays through Fridays, have school on Tuesday and Thursday nights, AND another part time job all the other nights (phone books don�t count, that�s only once a year), and still be nice to people.
However, I DO really need money. Oh, boy. I�m weary just thinking about it. A part time job would want me to work slightly late if I got off from my other job at 6 p.m. and couldn�t get there till like 7 p.m. Like at least 11 p.m. WHEN THE HELL WOULD I HAVE TIME TO SLEEP??? I�d die of exhaustion or immune malfunctions. I need to win the lottery. Maybe I should get rid of my cable (that�s $40 right there). We don�t always watch TV anyway. I don�t know. I�m just trying to think of ways to make more money. Cuz if I really can�t count on men for money (which obviously I have been unable to count on men for money) then who CAN I count on? Lotteries are too chance-y. I thought about doing bake sales and stuff like that every now and then but WHERE? Where would I sell my food and baked goods? Actually...I just thought of something. I could ask Liquid Caf� if they want to buy baked goods off of me, but then I would be entering into an agreement cuz if they actually liked the food, then I would have to make it all the time and do I really have the energy and time to make extra money? WHAT THE FUCK AM I GOING TO DO?
I�ve thought of making hemp necklaces/bracelets but that is WAY too time-consuming. I should just try really hard to go to school full time and get money from loans and grants and stuff. Ugh. I need to be making like $12.50 an hour, not ten. I really need to change something FOR THE BETTER. My counselor said something about I could bump up my wages to $17.00 per hour...I think she was talking about the extra/second job. That�s not going to work. That�s not going to be $17/hour either. That just means I work for ten bucks an hour regularly and then struggle for seven bucks an hour later on in the day. So, really, if I make $10 for 8 hours and $7 an hour for a night of working at least 5 hours at a second job (you�ve just entered into a word problem math odyssey), then averaged it out over the course of the day...I�d be making on average $8.85 for each of the 13 hours I would be busting my assssssssss. NOOOOOOOOOOO. That�s not extra money.
Cuz every working Joe knows that the longer you are away from home, the more money you spend. Seriously. Think about it. Unless you PLAN SUPEREFFICIENTLY, I�m talking making meals ahead of time to take with you to work so you won�t be seduced into buying snack foods and drinks and stuff all night/day long at work, cuz once you are up longer per day, the more you need to eat and drink. Plus, the car needs gas not only to get to and from your regular job, PLUS (if you�re like me) to and from adult education school and to and from various children�s schools and daycares throughout the week, then you are using extra gas. So, I if I work 8 hours at one place and then go work at least five at another place for less money, not only will I be totally worn out in every area of my life, but I�ll be in debt just to get to where I need to be. Does it sound like I�m rationalizing and making excuses?
Did I mention I�m in school and my children start school on Monday? Do you realize how everyone�s schedule well be so warped that not only will they never see me again on that schedule, but also, my school work and good grades will go downhill and like I mentioned before, I don�t trust other people to guide my children down the good homework path of life. And not that I have pets, but on this type of schedule, I would not be able to have ANY extra life forms needing care from me, whether it be a boyfriend or a cat. I so totally can�t work a second job.
