2004-04-17 - 10:57 p.m.
Nothing but disappointment...well, only for an instance. There were a lot of things that were not a disappointment today.
FIRST: There was Stephanie's b-day party. That was good. I have a big mouth though. See, I was already in charge of FOUR kids today. Three are already mine and then, my neighbor's kid. So. Then, this mom who I never met before brings her daughter who I never met before and wants to just leave her there. Now...we are in a public skating rink. I just didn't plan on having anyone leave their kids. So, Steph's best friend comes and I hear her mom mention that she's going to leave and leave her there too. Holy go to church. What do you think I am??? A babysitting service? I don't know. I just wasn't expecting it. Well, I start telling her that some lady had brought her kid and stuff and how shocked I was that she just left her there, and I look over...and less than 8 feet away is the lady listening. OOPS. So, I don't feel bold enough to tell anyone off, so I say, yeah, my neighbor, see, they left her. DUH. So, that mother, needless to say, left anyway and didn't really look me in the eye after that. Well, tough. But, I explained to the mother of Steph's best friend that I actually didn't mind if she left her kid, cuz I KNOW her kid and I know she's good. So, her and her husband left. Then, another girl came and her mom left. I'm sorry. I would never do that. I stay and join the party. I'm not letting my kids go haywire on their own.
So, today was Jimbo's actual birthday. So, he was having a party today. I called him to see what was going on, cuz Jimmy had a present for him and I thought Jimmy should see his dad. SO. I went. And the girl that Jimbo said he had a fight with and didn't like, was there. WTF?? I said: "who's she?" (Her name was Stephanie as a matter of fact, doy.) So, that kinda grossed me out and she was so fucking clingy all over him and it was just bizarre. My nerves were kinda wracked and I couldn't eat. Usually, I'm a pig. We weren't even supposed to be down there, really. But I got a lot of "affirmations" so to speak.
First, he was drinking a lot, kinda. He was kinda getting towards drunk when I got there. Then, this biker guy showed up. I smooth talked and told him I had never been on a Harley...which I hadn't. So, he offered to take me for a ride. So, I went and we went all over the place for probably like a half hour at least. We weren't too far away. I never get to do anything. But the odd part of it was, Jimbo and this guy (Steve) went into the bedroom at first when Steve had got there and I thought, gee, the only, and I mean ONLY reason Jimbo goes into a bedroom with a man is to buy or do drugs, or sell them. But I didn't expect the last one. I definitely KNEW the first two could have been going on, cuz Jimbo was drunk and then HE WASN'T. So, that's always a dead giveaway. Cuz, if you are drinking...you only get worse...you don't get sober. So...I asked this guy casually, mentioned that I was worried about Jimbo and do you think...? Well, the guy rattled off something about "doing what you gotta do and people have to live their life...blah, blah..." and I said..."NO. JIMBO CAN'T DO ANYTHING LIKE THAT. He has drug tests to pass." Well, the day wore on, it started getting dark, people were playing darts and stuff...we all wound up going inside. I started talking with one of Jimbo's work friends (John). I mentioned that Jimbo seemed more sober. He didn't catch on.
THEN...there was the line for the bathroom. The main hold-up was Jimbo, the biker, and another friend/old neighbor guy...ALL IN THE BATHROOM together. I'm not talking about a homosexual fling here, boys and girls. That would be the least of anyone's fears. DRUGS. It was either coke or crack. It's such a shame.
The next affirmation was me seeing Jimbo putting away his drug scale back in his briefcase after coming out of the bathroom. Fucker. When will a man grow up? Well, the biker is 54. He's not grown up yet. He was hitting on me too. I'm glad I'm not stupid. I almost made plans to go to the beach with him tomorrow. Only cuz I thought, hmmmm, a biker as a friend...that'd be fun. DUHDUHDUHDUHDUH. I avoided him after that. I went into Jimbo who was in his bedroom. I yelled at him. I smacked my empty water bottle against his arm. He turned 30 today. He has drug tests to pass. Who the fuck did he think he was trying to fool?? What the fuck was his point?? Of course, he didn't have answers. Never. Not even any eye contact. He just wallows in his own stupid brain when I come at him like that.
Then, the girlfriend caught on, and got mad and said: "Oh, come on, Jim (nobody calls him Jim...I thought that was funny). I'm not stupid. I know what you're up to." Everyone didn't know what to say. His boss was even there and a couple of his co-workers. His boss and one of his co-workers are kinda oblivious but they knew I was mad about something. The one co-worker said he "must have drank himself sober." I said, "NO. IT'S COKE." So, he had used the bathroom next...and he said, "you know, it smells weird in there." I went in...and it smelled like coke or crack. Coke has a smell, but it's not obvious and in the air, just up close...until you burn it. Maybe they were freebasing it. I don't know. I don't have to care either. I just know that he's such a fuck-up that he will never change. His poor son will have a dead father (probably) by the time he turns ten. It's just sad. I looked in that new girl's eyes and said: "Look, I don't really care what you do...but be careful." She's all, "I know..." And I said, "NO. BE CAREFUL. YOU DON'T WANT THE HEARTACHE AND STRESS." She's only 21. Sighhhhhhh. Why is this world the way it is???
Besides all that, I had a few brief but nice conversations with the one co-worker named John. He's an ex-marine and was the one that was oblivious to what Jimbo was doing. The last time he did drugs was in high school. He shaves his head bald. I walked him out when he was leaving and said: "UM. I know the situations and circumstances are weird...but you're a really nice guy..." And then I froze and laughed nervously like Beavis & Butthead and stood there. I am so fucking unbelievably shy. He said, "you want to go out to dinner some time?" I said, "oh. SURE." He gave me his number. I rattled off that I don't meet anyone...that I haven't gone anywhere in months, etc. (Jimbo had started it, sort of. He told me that John wanted to meet me a while back. Well, he only just told me that TODAY. And of course, I thought it was just a comment made while he was drunk and cuz his girlfriend was there.)
I don't know. John is really nice, though. After I confirmed the smell of the bathroom after the guys had come out...he said: "I can't believe this. I told Jimbo I'd help him and be his friend as long as he didn't keep fucking up..." Fucking up is what people use as a term for doing drugs. Jimbo's boss was standing there. I wonder if the boss would fire him for that? I don't know. Anyway. No one ever knows what to do with Jimbo. A lot of people give him a lot of different chances. It's just strange. I'll never understand an addict. EVER. Especially not that one (Jimbo). People say that they quit drugs after they get a big "eye-opener," or a "revelation." Well, Jimbo's had BILLIONS of them. He has lost a lot. DUH. Why would you keep fucking up?? I dunno.
