2004-04-11 - 10:50 p.m.
Well, GUNNTORP came. So romantick. Now I have to clean my house really well so I look like I have a home out of Architectural Digest with the austere baskets on the bookshelves, m'bien. I WILL buy from IKEA again...but not until I can afford it.
I got the results back from my short story submission. I didn't win or get published. Boo hoo. Now I just want to try harder. Funny...I thought I would feel all defeated and unmotivated...I'm instead a little trooper/fighter and can't wait for the next submission time range. Wheeeee! I'm so proud of myself.
My face is so oily these days. The Florida heat and sun is back to wet/humidity. No more dry, cool breezes. I take a shower...and as soon as I leave my house it no longer matters that I cleaned anything on my body...esPECIally not my forehead and cleavage area. I'm nothing but a sweatbox in my NON-AIR-CONDITIONING car. I'm so gonna upgrade the hunk o' shit so I have air. I will die this summer if I don't. UGH.
I didn't get my birth control patch until Wednesday. I'm usually a Sunday-re-applier. I was nervous...then I remembered I'm a sexless being at the moment. DUH. What was I worried about? Maybe the possibility of having sex soon. Yeah, right. I've been worrying about that for years. Why am I so hung up on the next time I'm going to have sex??? EVEN when I HAVE a partner...I'm hung up on when I will. Doy.
So, I was talking to the midwife...THREE of them called me all on different days cuz I had left THREE MUY IMPORTANTE messages that I NEEDED MY PATCH cuz I was out of refills...and the minute they open my chart and see that I have THREE KIDS...they are sooooo on the horn. So, the last two of course, were double checking to see if I had gotten it...so caring. She (the last one) happened to be the woman that helped me give birth to my firstborn. Kwee. She's so cute with her accent. She annoyed me during labor though...eight years ago.
She let me in on a little known secret. The patch has a two-day "leeway/cushion" so really, they tell you to change it every seven days...but you can get away with nine days cuz the hormone doses are sufficient enough. I'm only taking advantage this month about that cuz I need to save money and stretch it out a total of an extra week...The bitches are up to $44.99. PER MONTH. So depressing. And besides...I'm not having sex this month. I see it now and have accepted it.
But the four days I wasn't able to get my refill...I got really depressed. When I was a teenager...they put me on birth control pills...a stronger dose after I had a big bout of depression...do hormones REALLY affect a woman's seratonin level and whatnot? Strange.
The radio is the soundtrack of your life...I believe Sarah Vowell quoted that from someone else in a book I read. So, what I mean by that is...I got my car astonishingly up to 80 mph on I-75 and "Breaking the Law" came on the radio. Kmmm. NO, no tickets. It was just funny. And then when I looked next to me on a different road at some nice looking guy...the song "I'm easy...easy like Sunday morning..." came on. WHAT ARE THEY TRYING TO SAY??? Lol. BTW, I'm very surprised my car that I tool around town doing 30 in even went over 70 on the highway. Maybe it does have power.
I rented lots of movies lately. One was The Godfather (the very first one) and I realized that I only had the 2nd tape. I was able to get the other one free of charge and with no penalty but with some hassle. They thought I was trying to keep the first one or something in hiding at home. Duh. One other one was the new Texas Chainsaw Massacre. My oldest child watched it with me. I told her to go to bed but she said she wasn't scared. I told her it was JUST a movie. But my younger daughter tried to stay up too...and I'm all like: GOTOBED! And she got freaked out...and she wasn't even looking at it...she had her eyes closed, her fingers plugging her ears and screaming: "I DON'T LIKE IT, I DON'T LIKE IT, I DON'T LIKE IT." I said to her as I pulled her little wrist down the hallway...that no matter what she yelled or how fast she yelled it, that the guy on the tv was going to keep killing people.
Naturally, I took advantage to irk my Baptist sister and I told her all that and she was all: "THAT IS NOT GOOD TO LET CHILDREN WATCH THOSE MOVIES LIKE THAT. THAT IS SO BAD." Well, duh. I didn't say: "okay...(singsongy voice) let's watch the killing movie...la-de-da-de-da." I'm a single mother and they were supposed to be in bed and I wasn't going to carry them to their beds twenty times in a row. And it was about to be overdue. So, I turned it on. They weren't obeying me by not going to bed.
My Baptist sister annoyed me today and yesterday. She never fails to. First, she drowned my children in church stuff. They went to an Assembly of God church for a Easter celebration on Saturday. WITHOUT asking me. I'm not satanic...but she was secretive about it. I asked her what they were planning on doing for the day and she's all: "Why does it matter??" Bitch. Then, she took them overnight...something I would normally be grateful for...but she didn't dye Easter eggs with them or anyone for that matter. And she didn't make any baskets up for her own children...which leads me to believe that the Baptists are stuck so far up her ass that she doesn't know what fun is anymore unless a cross is stamped on it. So, during the egg hunt at my mother's house today, you better believe I made sure that the seckular dye from my eggs went all over her children's little Baptist hands. She drives me nuts.
Speaking of Easter successes...I baked a ham and it was the best juiciest ham anyone's ever had. It wasn't overly salty either. I make a little basting juice with pineapple juice, honey and brown sugar. It was great. And I hate ham. Easter candy is neat these days too...they have peanut butter hollow bunnies. They have Reese's eggs (like the malted milk ball eggs...with the candy shell)...can you tell I like peanut butter and chocolate? Yeahhhh.
In other news, Jimbo is fucking someone else finally. Now, I've been wishing for this...but I got a little upset...just cuz the day before he did this...he was all: "Heather, I love you and miss you." So, being kinda lonely...I entertained the thought of using him as a possible booty call...cuz let's face it. I haven't had sex in a while and I've known him for 16 years and we were best friends for a long time and we have a kid together and after all the dysfunction...I care about him. Plus, I'm used to him. I DIDN'T THOUGH. So, then the next day or so, he "doesn't remember" saying those things to me. DORK. I had ALMOST gotten my hopes up. I HATE feeling foolish. So, I said, "well, good. You can finally stop saying possessive things like, how my pussy is yours and how you'll beat up my FUTURE boyfriends. So, I hope you don't get the hussy pregnant, cuz you can't afford it. So, have fun and let's finally just be friends again and do this for Jimmy and quit worrying about how we feel about each other and just get along instead of being obsessed." And he said, "okay." Yeah, he's not much of a talker. Kmmm. We told each other that we did care about each other and that we love each other...cuz we actually do.
I was a little verklempt though and attempted to make a booty call to an old friend. LOL. Well, what was I supposed to DO? But he wasn't in town...thank GOD for both of us. He is in Tampa...but we are such good friends, that he talked to me and said I was welcome up there to take a break any old weekend and we could go canoeing or whatnot. He's the one I hung out with on New Year's Eve. I didn't mention that I wanted him as a booty call the other night. So, when he talked to me and called me back and stuff I felt a lot better that he said all that without knowing I was vulnerable and available for sex. We might frolick again one day, possibly cuz he wants to anyway but isn't pushing the issue, but...that's kinda my thing, to keep recycling the old male friends that I used to date years ago. Is that moronic or what? I told him I thought my kids had scared him off...but he said that no, not at all, that my kids were comics. He goes to school and works and has just been lazy about contacting me. I believe him. I've lived that life before.
I guess that's finally all for now. This is what happens when I don't journal for a week.
