2004-04-01 - 2:45 p.m.
Well, I readandIreadandIreadandIread last night until the neighborhood of twoish a.m. when the phone rang. Before I get into that, I'm still reading Wally Lamb's She's Come Undone and I don't know about you, whoever you are out there, but when I read, especially a really really good book like this one...or Barbara Kingsolver's The Poisonwood Bible, or Shakespeare's Othello or really, anything good...I get this feeling of pure relief. Relief that someone shared something SOOOO GOOD and INTERESTING with the world that they bothered to let it be KNOWN publicly and didn't just put it in some stupid drawer and meander on with their humdrum lives. They risked entertaining someone. I write too and I hope one day to be published, or at least well-liked...and I hope people get that sense of admiration and relief for me making the effort and bringing characters to life and making things seem so frigging interesting. Do you know what I mean?
So, the fucking phone rings at twoish a.m. I'm like, oh, dear someone heard me thinking about him and he's calling now...I was still so self-absorbed that I didn't even think it would be something bad or urgent. So, I answer. "Hello, can I please speak to Heather?" "This is Heather...who is this???" I did not know the voice. He sounded like a black man. So, then he said: "How are you this evening?" As if we hadn't yet sat down to dinner and the moon hadn't yet kissed the sky, as if it were normal working hours for a telemarketer to call. DUHHH. I said: "What the hell is this about?" "I'm calling from the American Male Escort Association and I just have a few questions, it will only take a moment of your time..." I said: "What? I...FUCK OFF."
I suppose it was supposed to be all funny-haha. The only culprit I can think of was someone I gave my phone number to in order to meet from the online dating services (in my desperate attempts) and that I had turned them down, and they were sitting there drunk with some buddies and decided to call a few of the numbers on the person's cell phone. I wasn't laughing then. Buttfucks. I still don't have any idea who it was. I know it wasn't Jimbo. I'm not sure about anyone else. I entertained the possibility of the rest of what he might have had to say...but I had already hung up, taken the phone off the hook for good measure...and then went back to reading. I put the phone back on the hook after a little while, but there were no voice mails.
So, I'm home on my lunch break and I am in no mood to go back to work. I hate my work now. My next goal is to work for the State Attorney's office. I want that sort of workload. It would be more interesting...better people to work with. I don't know. I have it good where I'm at right now, but it's crappy sometimes. I like the fact that I have my own desk and own computer and own phone and extension and I do very little contact work with the public...but, I don't know. I just get tired of working with the same old people...Sam doesn't want me to leave anytime soon though cuz I also learned her department and she wants to go on vacation in June and she's sick of training other people. Sure. Let me suffer. I have no benefits and no hope for benefits. I learned two departments on purpose and never got a pay increase for it. I will be there a year in July and never got a pay increase period. There is no future there for me. Doy.
Oh, and I called my lawyer...oh, nevermind, I never went into detail about all that crap really. Anyway, there are issues with my son's father and stuff...and visitation dilemmas...anyway...I called my lawyer and the caseworker and everyone I seem to speak to are like: "That's his Motion, He is the one that has to ask for it." Well, shit never gets done unless someone like me DEMANDS it. That's how it is in all areas of my life. Figures. So, they are all looking at me like I'm crazy and I shouldn't be involved, etc. Too late.
Well, what else? I really need to go eat something. Duh. It's past my real lunchtime. Other than that...I'll write more later. Bye for now.
