2003-09-14 - 11:49 p.m.
Sighhhh. Tonight, when I was coming home from dropping Jimbo off, I started crying. Now, driving all that way back home has made me cry before, and so has dropping Jimbo off...HOWEVER...these were not the things making me cry this evening.
I was listening to Led Zeppelin...as usual cuz they are my favoritest band, m'bien. And I usually think of things and places that I was doing or that I was at while I heard/hear certain songs...because I've heard them in certain places and done certain things during them...M'KAAAAY. The song that was playing that caused the tears was "Baby, Since I've Been Loving You" which is a good song...a great song. I was thinking of when I first heard it.
I take you back to my younger years...yes, gaspo! I am 28 right now. So, I first heard Led Zeppelin probably through my sisters' stereos. HOWEVER...I specifically remember the "Since I've Been Loving You" song was introduced to me from Len, my brother-in-law. Now, Len and I go way back. He's been my brother-in-law since I was very young. He started dating my sister when I was around three or four years old. He was also my father figure when my father's own figuring got ugly and my parents split up.
Len was great. When I was in elementary school some time, probably around the age of eight or nine, I first spent the night over their house...erm, apartment. Len knows how to cook. And he's soooo nice. He also had a great sense of humor. And he even nicknamed me Scooter McCluskey. We had a song for some reason...it went:
"Scooter McCluskey likes whiskey and gin!" And I didn't like those of course cuz I was young, but it was still funny.
I'd stay the night with them from time to time and Len smoked lots of pot. This of course was before the "D.A.R.E. Program for Kids." I didn't care. Anyway, he used to cook really good spaghetti and in the mornings, he'd make really good pancakes and eggs and toast and stuff. Actually, he had Lisa make the toast and he called her the "toast lady." This was really funny back in the day. We used to team up against Lisa and tease her. Cuz secretly, I had a crush on Len. Actually, it wasn't a secret. I told Lisa that even if she was married to him, that one day he would marry me too. I think I just wanted a dad.
Just for the record, Len never was weird or inappropriate, but I did have a dream when I was little that I had kissed him...but there was no tongue involved...I was little, I had no idea tongues could be involved.
So, anyway, I remember where we were when he introduced me to that Led Zeppelin song...we were in their apartment...the one they had right before they built their house. Lisa was pregnant and I think this was my last weekend there. Cuz if I remember right, she went into labor that same night/weekend and had my first ever nephew, Evan who is 12 now and skateboards and stuff.
Anyway, I had become interested in cool classic music like Pink Floyd and Led Zeppelin and Len was all like: "Yeah, but have you ever heard THIS???" Cuz I think that is his favorite song. He's always liked jazzy songs and jazz and blues and stuff. If it was the same weekend I was thinking about, I was 16. He had always let me listen to his records/tapes/CDs, though. But, this was a special time cuz I have never forgotten it. It was the last time I stayed over there. Ever. Cuz Lisa had the baby and five days later they moved into their newly built house and a little while later, I went into a place for depression (and attempted suicide...actually it was just ornery self mutilation...I didn't like the pain and so therefore, I had not gone deep...cuz I'm WIMPY!)
Well, I think before that some time I had smoked pot with Len or something, but anyway...recently, I was talking to my other sister...who is NOT married to Len, and we were talking about stuff like music. I was saying how I can't believe they (my kids) like country and rap sometimes and why don't they like cool stuff like Led Zeppelin and Pink Floyd and Jimi Hendrix and stuff. (I think they actually do, but they don't appreciate it like I did.) And Kim had the nerve to say something like (I'm paraphrasing) "Well, don't do what was done to you...shove that kind of music down their throats..."
And I was like, "COME AGAIN????" Cuz that stuff was NEVER shoved down my throat. It was graciously welcomed if anything. Even the Jethro Tull and AC/DC and Alice Cooper, and Ted Nugent. Sorry, but Led Zeppelin and Pink Floyd and Jimi Hendrix and The Who and The Doors were NEVER FUCKING shoved down MY THROAT. So, anyway, I cried tonight I guess, because Len was a great guy. He's still alive and in the family...but we never hardly talk. I'm at that stage in my life though, where I think I'm going to write him a long letter telling him how much he helped me not hate my life so much and how I'm glad of all the times he watched Saturday Night Live with me and stuff.
His favorite skit...or one of his favorites was when Steve Martin did the "Wild and Crazy Guys." Len is so funny. He's still a good cook. Only now he cooks all kinds of stuff...and unfortunately, I've lost his jambalaya recipe. I could kick myself for that. Sighhhhh. I hope Evan and Erik realize what a great dad they have. I love Len. I miss him. I'm going to tell him so.
