2003-08-26 - 11:59 p.m.
Okay. My five-year-old...we'll call her "Chloe" because she has a magnetic personality. We got back just now from a late car ride. Now, normally, my best friend and I refer to my children as "Led Zeppelin" because had they been given tour buses and passports and hotel access, they would behave just like Led Zeppelin. I mean, really, they already DO behave like they are on tour or trashing a hotel room or giving their manager a hard time about the latest venue they are playing...but all in all they are VERY INTERESTING, VERY CREATIVE, and pretty damn cute. Just like Led Zeppelin.
So...we get home from the late night car ride...it's late for us cuz it's a couple hours after bedtime...we pull up in the parking lot of the apartment building...I grab my youngest and balance him in my arms. I nudge the "Chloe" girl until she gives me eye contact and snaps out: "WHAT? MOMMY?" This wakes my oldest daughter. So far, we are doing swell...
Then, the oldest is out of the car, I still have the little one balanced...I walk around to the other side to maneuver the oldest from smearing up against a wet parked car next to us (it has rained) and I see that "Chloe" is lying back down. I tell the oldest to "go yank on her leg for me." So, the oldest does that very same thing. "Chloe" stays asleep. I tell the oldest to do it again. She does. "Chloe" sits up slightly, like a lazy sit-up after you've done twenty of them and you hate exercise and are tired. She yells at the oldest. "Stop it, leave me alone!!!."
I tell "Chloe" that I told the oldest to do that to her. She sits up and looks through chin length bangs at me and spits out: "WHY? WHY MOMMY? WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?" I tell her to get the hell out of the car. She is lying back down with her eyes closed. I tell her to unbuckle. She says she "hates this seatbelt, it's stupid." I tell her to take it off so we can walk upstairs. She sits up and says: "What Mommy? What do you want me to do???" Not in a questioning manner...but, like in an "I'm pissed off and we are going to play the straight answer game" manner.
The seatbelt has wittled its way up around her chest...it's under her armpits. It's very uncomfortable for a person who is half asleep and does not want it there. Like "Chloe." I'm still standing with the car door open...and the oldest is still standing across the parking lot in the dark and dampness calling out: "What's wrong with her Mommy?" As if "Chloe" has really developed some serious contagion that is causing her limbs to fall off sporadically. I motion back silently with a dramatic eye roll that says: "Your sister is crazy."
"Chloe" finally unbuckles the seatbelt from around her chest, heaves several sighs very deeply, sits up and asks me again "what I want her to do?" Finally, we all get upstairs and inside and "Chloe" is doing other things like whining for her drink and telling me it needs ice, and such. Now, I tell you...ALL THREE CHILDREN...went on the SAME CAR RIDE in the SAME CAR...and only "Chloe" was affected as if she was propped up outside like a hood ornament. What is it with middle children?
