2001-02-17 - 17:52:46
Well, last night's entry I hope was not too confusing for anybody. But, then again, I don't care. I was on a sleeping pill and it had kicked in. Now, I'm not on anything but Frappucino, so, here goes another entry.
I was going to tell you guys that my mommy has this thing that she had like 2 weeks before Christmas. It was this strange, rather large pink ring on her abdomen at the bottom of part of her rib cage, but, above her navel. Okay. So, she couldn't go to the dermatologist cuz they were all booked up until like the first week of February. So, she finally went and the doctor said that it was a strange thing and she would have to do a biopsy. She cut on my mother, gave her two stitches and an appointment for two weeks later. The thing has been there since BEFORE Christmas, m'kay. So. Her appointment was the day after Valentine's Day and they still really can't tell her anything about it, except that, NO, it's not ring worm, or cancerous. BUT, it DOES have to COME OFF. I read the little dittos she had with all the big words about the biopsy description and I looked it all up in my little medical dictionary. It basically said that they didn't know what it was. It had a bunch of either or explanations with long fancy words like parapsoriasis, and granular something or other. So, I guess they are going to give her some little fancy schmancy topical cream or something and see what that does.
But, I watched her with my children that day (this was two days ago). She is just the best grandmother. She is literally magic to them. They adore her. It is so cute. And then, I watched her with me how she brings over water jugs that I am too lazy and poor to go out and fill myself. She is magic to me. As I was saying goodbye to her so she could drive her whole 18 miles back home...she always makes a point to state how far away I am and how long the drive takes...(She likes having things to whine about.)... I realized that if there really was something wrong with her, I would miss her terribly. I walked back in the house with a choke in my throat. I told Jimbo a little about how I felt and how I don't want her to die. I told him that we can't ever move away from her any time soon. (He talks periodically about moving out of state...no, no, no.) He looked at me hesitantly. Then he realized that I was upset and decided to spoon feed me some reality, because he's nice like that...he said: "Heather, Mommies die." Tears surfaced in my eyes. My throat choke got bigger. I hated him saying that. I don't want my mommy to die. She used to take me to the beach when I was little. She used to slip me cookies when my mean father wasn't looking after he had sent me away from the table because I wouldn't eat all my dinner, but, had gotten hungry later. She taught me how to talk a little bit slower when I had a stuttering problem. She taught me how to ride a bike at ten. She let me have friends and knew how it felt to feel lonely. She worked threee jobs to support me after my dad left us. She fixed my hair. She bought me that awful Electric Blue Cover Girl mascara that I had to have when I was twelve. And, she let me wear it in public with her. She quit smoking cigarettes for me when I was twelve and made a big deal about it. She prayed when I ran away and started doing bad things like attempting suicide and trying out drugs and had to go into rehab. for depression. She always stood by me. Even when I acted crazy. She saved me from my abusive boyfriend when I was 18. She saved me from my abusive husband when I was 21, 22, and 23. She stared at my first born daughter and then at me and thanked me with tears in her eyes for her first granddaughter. She did the same thing with her second granddaughter (my second child). She helped me fix broken down cars. She bought me cribs for my kids. She bought me a washer and dryer and a vacuum cleaner. She cleans for me when she comes over. She plays with all three of my kids like they are all her favorites. She slips me money when she can because I rarely have any. She can't die. My mommy can't be one of the ones that have to die. What would I do without her? She loved me even when I hated her. Or thought I hated her. No one else has done that. No one else will.
