2001-02-17 - 18:25:35
I am so annoyed. My boyfriend's broken arm external fixiator thing was supposed to come out yesterday...it's been six weeks. Well, it's not finished healing, and it has to stay in. The reason is that he smokes cigarettes and it slows the healing process. That sucks. Not really for the reasons that it sucks for him, but, what it means to me is that he's going to be home from work longer and I find that really annoying. He whines if I'm not sitting in front of him and talking to him. He is out of the house right now at a friend's, so that is why I am online and speedtyping my diary entry. I can't go online while he's here. I simply hear way too much flack. Is that the right spelling? Well, anyway, I can't talk on the phone or read books without hearing too much flack either. These things are all I ever do for fun. I need some type of outlet. I can't stand when he makes issues out of things that I like to do. Who fucking cares if I waste time on the phone for an hour or more? Get call waiting if it hurts your goddamn feelings that bad. At first I thought it was a vendetta against my best friend. Lord knows why, she's harmless. But, I realized it's all about him and my lack of attention toward him when I'm doing things that I like to do. Which are all introverted activities which take the spotlight entirely off him and cause him to start to fidget and pace like a caged tiger. Oh fucking well. I've decided and also stated that what I do is fucking harmless compared to what bad girlfriends could do and that I am very low maintenance as far as amusing myself. I don't galavant at bars with my prostitute friends and stay out until the next morning. I do nothing that is offensive or endangering to him or myself, so what the fuck does it matter????????? (I also don't have prostitute friends by the way, unless there is something someone isn't telling me.) I don't cheat on him, I don't do drugs without him, I don't disappear mysteriously without letting him know where the hell I'm going. I talk on the phone sometimes...well, he says that I do this incorrectly, that I should talk like a normal person, which is get on, find out the information I want to know or tell the information that the other person wants to know and then hang up. He says my conversations are pointless and that I shouldn't care what people are wearing or eating or other stupid stuff that he hears me talking about. He only hears one side to it. He also hates when I'm on the phone, cuz I usually am telling the person stuff about him. Geez, what would he feel if he saw this diary...gasp!!!!!!! He would definitely hate that information is put on an internet page that is usually all about him especially that other people can see it. He also hates when I'm online cuz I'm usually on for a long time and he thinks I only do pointless stuff. I only let him know the pointless stuff that I do. If I told him everything that I actually do online, his brain might fall out of his ear. My friend says I shouldn't allow him to think. Kmmmmm. When I'm reading, he always has to talk to me or get me to look at or listen to stuff that I happen to think is pointless on TV or the radio or whatever. I started to get into the discussion of what exactly do we have in common, anyway? He said he never really thought about it, so I changed the subject anyway, cuz it felt like I was finding reasons to break up again, like on Valentine's Day...oopsy. Lol. I also stood up for myself last night about the phone and he didn't like that very much and even told me he didn't want to talk to me for awhile. It only lasted about an hour. We get along great really. It's just these past 6 weeks where he's had to stay home and be home everyday all day freaking long that we find fault with each other more often. If he's working, he's gone for eight or so hours a day and I can do whatever the fuck I want as long as it won't eventually hurt him. I can sit and stare at the wall, I can go online and be as stupid as I want. I can read or nap or turn off the TV or WHATEVER. And no one is there to ask whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?????????? I was really made to be rich and alone. Oh well. He'll get the dumb metal thing out of his arm hopefully in two weeks. Then he'll be back to work in about four more weeks after that. HOPEFULLY. I need my quiet time. My time away from Jimbo. He would never understand. He doesn't get that way cuz he smokes cigarettes and has a reason to go outside every twenty minutes or so. Maybe I should start finding reasons to crawl inside the attic for ten minutes at a time. No, he'd follow me. He would think it was a neat idea and want to come to. He's like one of those dogs sometimes. The kind that follow you from room to room to see if you're going to drop food. Sigh. I do love him. He's just not my type.
