2000-09-16 - 17:55:25
Well, I have two kids potty trained. Now, I have to wait 2 and a half years for the third kid to even know what a potty is. So, I'm sitting here last night, and my boyfriend has to work tomorrow (which is now today), and so, his buddy comes and picks him up. The reason he has to do that is because, I got my driver's license and license plate taken away last week. Sigh. It's really annoying, cuz, now, when we have to go somewhere, EVERYBODY has to go, and I have to be driven. Technically, he has to be driven also, but, he is a lawbreaker, and would drive anyway, but, there is no longer a license plate. So, before he leaves last night, he looks uncertainly at me and says that he will have trouble sleeping while he is over there. I ask why, and he says that he can never fall asleep when I am not next to him. I think back to every time that I have seen him so far asleep in his "dad" chair, and all the times I spend breastfeeding the baby in the other room away from him while he is snoring in the bedroom. Um, yeah, whatever. I wanted to say, don't tell me you're getting attached to me. I don't think I would understand why. I think he is, though. He looks at me more and talks to me a little more than before, but, I still can't tell, cuz, he just doesn't show much affection. I don't think I've french kissed him in several weeks. No, I don't like that fact. Yes, I would rather have that part of our relationship. I am a kisser. He is just not touchy-feely though, unless of course I am massaging him, then he doesn't mind being touched. He is like an adult-sized crack-addicted baby. He doesn't like to be held, flinches when his skin is caressed, and cries for no reason. Okay, I'm kidding on the last one, but, as far as sex goes, it's very fast and hard, and no other happy medium or extreme seems to occur. I don't mind sometimes, but, I don't think we've ever "made love", even though, he says we do, and we just "make love hard". Pause, blank stare...whatever. Maybe, after we are together for another year, he'll bend a little. It will be an actual year on November 7th. See, we "hooked up" on Halloween of last year, but, we weren't "committed" until the week after. It's bee a weird year. I've moved 3 times, gave birth to a son, went into debt (I keep telling myself it can be fixed), lost my driver's license, my license plate, got an I.U.D., potty-trained my two year old, worked as a stripper, quit stripping once I was showing, and only received LESS THAN $350.00 for child support so far. Geez. I need a vacation. I keep having the weirdest events in my life. Nothing mingles. I've gotten married, filed for divorce (2 yrs. pending now), I've been in the army, completed basic training, was in 2 abusive relationships, had an abortion, have 3 kids with 2 different men, worked as a stripper, gone to church, moved back in with my mom twice, no, 3 times, had an affair with a married man, got an AA degree in seven years...the list goes on and on, it just never gets normal and uneventful. Oh, well. One day, maybe I'll win the lottery and pay a nanny to watch all my kids while I go back to school or travel or whatever. Oh, well, that's not really uneventful either.
