2004-06-29 - 12:02 p.m.
THIS ENTRY WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ENTERED YESTERDAY, MONDAY, THE 28TH.
Hmm. I have to find a dentist (new patient appointment) who will accept my insurance and fill my three cavities as well as my one daughter�s three cavities for fairly cheap. THAT is a feat in itself. Why do we have cavities? Cuz we treat our mouths skankily. I brush my teeth in the morning but only floss once every couple months and even if I brushed at night on a regular basis (which I don�t, ewww yuck, I know), then eating a bunch of crap before I actually fall asleep (including sugary juices) is not good for fighting cavities. Yes, it�s all my fault. Yet, still I bring my dilemmas everyday to diaryland to get them off my chest in hopes that people won�t write me notes to lecture me on what I COULD DO INSTEAD of which I know what the fuck to do already. Does that make sense? No.
I had to send an email to a few people here at work last week and it was regarding the DAIRYLAND INSURANCE COMPANY. Well, I had Diaryland on the mind and the three times that I meant to type the insurance company�s name in the email...I typed DIARYLAND all THREE times. I still didn�t catch it until I was reading it over Ruth Ann�s shoulder and she was laughing at me about it. I felt so silly. Gosh!
Today, I have my second day of my period. I have cramps. I had to run my boy to the bus stop. My apartment gate was taking its sweet ass time opening the hell up and so I�m hanging out my car window yelling and begging the nearby mothers to tell the bus driver to PLEASE not leave yet. Yep. So, then once the gate was open, I drove through...tore out of the car and RANNNNN to the bus. It wasn�t a far run...and I�m in shape...but I have CRAMPS. So, I�m really growly. Grumpy is not the word. I�m full of growls and scowls.
I saw Harry Potter 3 this weekend, yesterday (Sunday) actually. It was good. Not as good as the others, but I love all those movies anyway. And they are much better in the theater. J�zoo know? Jimmy cried the whole time. Chloe thought it was okay. The popcorn was the best part to her. No...the popcorn in our laps, not in the movie. But, you know. She was really sweet about going anyway. I kept saying that I wanted to see it and I knew they didn�t really want to see it. So, finally, Chloe just says out of the blue, �okay, mommy. We�ll go do what you want to do today. It�s your day.� But of course, we showed up in the nick of time in back of a long ass line and without enough money, so we had to re-plan and went the next day which was yesterday. So, technically, I stretched �my day� into two days. But I made up for it by taking her to get some ice cream before going home theater-less.
Hey, you know when you get those suck-in hiccups and then burp on the exhale...is that heartburn? I get those after almost every time I eat. It�s pretty exciting. Even after drinking coffee this morning...hiccup-burp. Strange, but true. See, I always though heartburn was more painful, but maybe I don�t have it that way. Oh, did I tell you? I don�t have any ulcers...I don�t think. I mean, the blood test came back normal and the burning, hunger pain went away. So, I guess I pulled a muscle? Or was under a lot of stress?
Speaking of stress...I�m under so much stress. Yeah, I know, I�m the one that chooses to hang out and associate with an addict...I swear I�m not co-dependent. I just don�t agree that I am. His behavior is going to affect ANYBODY somewhat. You can�t tell me that even �normal, healthy� people AREN�T affected by addicts or Type-A personalities, or whatever. You can�t tell me that they don�t get reverberations of stress from people in their lives, no matter �how little� they are co-dependent. I�m sorry. I don�t think I�m co-dependent. But anyway, the stress...I�m surprised I don�t have gray hair. That�s all I have to say about that.
I keep hearing good lyrics on the radio about things that I want to comprise... Like, one time, I did a medley of different lyrics on �another� journal of mine, and it was all about working for barely any money...you know, I had lyrics from bits of pieces of Nine Inch Nails and Black Sabbath and Rolling Stones, etc. I thought about doing one on love or dysfunctional relationships or something. It�d be funny though. It�s (the medleys) not something that I take seriously and am �artistically thoughtful� about (like some artists when they are interviewed about other artists� songs and they give different commentary on the songs, etc. Yeah, I�m not all �artistically thoughtful� about it. Yes, I still hate the Goo Goo Dolls� singer and his SERIOUSNESS. Goober man).
Ouch, my cramps. Now, I can�t tell if my bladder pain and my menstruation pain are happening for each reason. UNCANNY!
You know what I love? I love crossing days of the month off the calendar. It�s fun.
My daughters are going to give people a hard time today. I hope it rains on their field trip so they don�t look so petty and bratty. What their deal is about today, is that they don�t really like to go swimming with the other daycare kids. I mean, they do...if the OTHER one wants to. They are constantly feeding off of each other. NO! Don�t say they are co-dependent. I hate that word. Anyway, Stephanie normally likes to swim. But she went swimming two days this weekend while at Grandma�s (with the neighbors, my mother does NOT have a pool). While in the pool (which is new, the next door neighbor�s pool), she scraped her toe pad bottoms up cuz I guess the bottom of the pool is rather rough? But, I think she must have done it not realizing that running along the bottom of the pool or something, whatever she was doing, would cause superficial, YET PAINFUL, scrapes on her toes and fingers. She has all of her little sore fingertips and toes� pads bandaged up. So, this morning, instead of taking the band-aids off and realizing that they were fine now, she refused to put on her bathing suit and said she would protest the field trip (passive resistance!) and so I said fine. Since Chloe was all about not wanting to swim since her sister didn�t want to and Chloe felt she would be all alone even though there are like 40 kids that go on these field trips, but whatever, I kept thinking that they were not going to be swimming, and thus did not pack any towels for them or change of underwear. Plus, it�s cloudy today, it might rain. Maybe they won�t even make it there. I told them to be bold and �tell the teachers that you didn�t want to swim today or go on the field trip.� Maybe it will work. It�s sort of like concentration camp. They don�t get much of a choice but to be shoved on the cattle car and taken to the acid pool. Just kidding. That was bad.
I am very cold in my office today. I wish I could take this feeling with me whenever I got into my hot sweaty car. Tonight, I am meeting Jimbo�s grandmother and his father for the first time ever. I�ve known him for 16 years and never met anyone in his family other than his momma. I hope they like me. Even if Jimbo and I weren�t together, I would hope that they liked me. Cuz I�m all about the self-consciousness. I just want people to like me. And if they don�t like me, I want to know why. But I won�t change for hardly anyone. Just so long as I know why they don�t like me, then I can just decide whether or not to use that information on which to judge them back or not. I�m weird.
I�m probably going to finally go to see about counseling today. This weekend was bad and I�m not too quick to just blame it on my period. It�s my thoughts, my worries and my imagination that sends me out of my gourd. So, that�s why I need someone to talk to, cuz dland is not enough. Dland can�t withstand all of my stuff.
No one is bringing me any work today. Well, I had two simple and quick things this morning from the one attorney that rarely bothers me to begin with. But, now...I should just read or go on msn games site. I am awesome at Puzzle Inlay. I highly recommend it. I can get all the way through all the levels without using any of my extra �lives.� You don�t really die, you just have to start over. There�s no �living character� to have or use. You�ll see. Just go play it. I finished my The Little Friend by Donna Tartt book. It was pretty good. Now, I�m reading that one that my mom gave me to read. Or rather, I�m still reading it. I started it a few weeks ago. It�s an easy read. It�s almost interesting now that I�m on page 58. I hate the characters in it though. They are so pathetic. They better get more substantial or I�m not going to like it very much.
People here at work don�t say hi to me anymore hardly. I think it�s cuz I am shy and I rarely say anything at all to them, so in turn, they think I�m rude(?). Oops. Not that I care...I was just commenting.
My mother just called and disturbed my day with the following conversation topic: Jerry�s Kids Telethon. It started with a �book� that she found that my daughter had started writing. Very cute, etc. She read it to me and then proceeded to talk about a �program� she had seen on TV about this kid that was a published writer/poet and was one of the Jerry�s Kids and was recently on Larry King and then died recently or something cuz of his being in a wheelchair and having his muscular dystrophy. First of all, it offends me that I come from a bloodline of people with such poor taste in TV shows. I�m surrounded by family members who choose very poor TV shows to watch. But anyway, then she went on to ask me how my writing ever turned out (nosy). She reminded me that I used to write poetry. I told her about a few entries I had given to a magazine that turned up unsuccessful so far. Then she mentioned that Stephanie could be a writer and that maybe she�d wind up on TV and get successful or something (what about ME? Tsk.) So, I reminded her that Stephanie is neither retarded or in a wheelchair (we had a side conversation about muscular dystrophy and how at first she didn�t realize how he could be so smart cuz he seemed to look retarded...sighhhhhhhhhhhh...this is my life.) She got mad at me for reminding her of those facts. She thinks I�m a cold heartless bitch which really, I take on a serious goal in life to keep her educated and not so awed by gooberish stuff. She�ll thank me some day. No, I�m not a killjoy. I�m a LOGIC GIVER. Say it with me now, Logic. Giver.
