2000-12-26 - 03:07 am
please help me understand...WHY???????
why couldn't the lawyer get his ass in line when i needed him the most? I NEEDED HIM TO PUT THINGS THROUGH TO THE COURTS. But, no. he's stupid. now things are fucked up. i need sole custody and i better have a good lawyer. i think i have a half way decent one.
but, you see, every time i put my trust in someone, they just prove to me that i should have been on my guard the whole time anyway. stupid lawyer...delayed divorce...things change...i get new ideas...for instance sole custody...what a novel idea. who cares what motherfucker thinks...he ...HE will be sorry. not me. i'm no longer sorry, cuz i choose to do what i do these days. very rarely do i regret my actions. i do regret him...but, only if i could still keep the girls...i like the girls but i regret him. without him, they wouldn't be here unfortunately.
motherfucker. i hate him. i think in my mind that the only way things will be okay is if he just died somehow. sigh. i really hate him...i hate his lies, his manipulation, his idiocy, his stupidity, his unreliability, his irresponsibility, his philosophies.
he sucks.
On other issues, I can't understand how people ask me what I want for Christmas, I tell them two or three things to choose from, and they get nothing I've suggested or requested. Why? Why do they even bother? Why do I even get my hopes up or why do I develop expectations? It's beyond me how someone will ask me what I want or need for Christmas...I tell them a few suggestions that are quite feasible and broad enough for them to choose from...and they still just decide to get me something that I have no interest in or use for. I know this might sound bitchy. But, you don't know how it boggles my mind. I say gift certificates, I get a shirt. I say pots and pans, I get a checkers/chess/backgammon game thing. I say gift certificates, I get a digital camera that takes useless pictures. I see where this is going. And the people in my life want me to trust them? They want me to know that they aren't lame? Whatever. Me no get it.
