2000-12-19 - 12:40 pm
Yep, haven't been here in awhile. So, here are the highlights.
Last week, Wednesday I think, my friend really wanted to eat pancakes, so she said she wanted to meet me at IHOP to give me my birthday present (a week early), so, I put all of my tribesmen to bed and WENT. I was pleased as punch that I did, too. I got some very cool gifts. Here are how the gifts originated and what they were. We occasionally watch Oprah together and whenever the book club chicks were discussing The Poisonwood Bible, I would constantly whine and say, "I want the Poisonwood Bible!!!!!" Whaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh. And, I don't ever buy myself anything cool except Cran-Mango from Ocean Spray, so, she bought that for me and now she is going to have to borrow it AFTER I'm done reading it, cuz, listen up here, you bitch motherfuckers, that...THAT is a bitch motherfucking GOOD BOOK. Oh, my God....you people have no damn idea! None, whatsoever. IT. IS. SO. GOOD. You all suck if you don't believe me, or agree with me. Okay, so, the other presents...I love her, she always gives me more than one thing. I'm not just saying that crap cuz she reads my diary, either. She knows I love her, that whore. So, anyway, I got these imported single CDs. Which make so much sense, cuz really I get bored with real complete CDs. So, she went out and got me the Madonna's Music Remix single CD that has NINE different versions. I listened to them all sitting in my living room. It was funny. You'd expect me to go driving around in my Ford Focus or something, but, I won't ever choose to own one of those. The deep dish dot com remix is the best. But, I like the armada grove one too. Then, the other present I got, was something I just had to go watch...It's No Doubt's single CD with a Simple Kind of Life in 2 different versions along with a song that was never before released called Beauty Contest which IS good and if you put it in your computer/DVD player, you get to watch the SIMPLE KIND OF LIFE video. Go moi. I rule. I get the best presents from her. And, that is just my birthday. She outdoes herself.
My mom came over yesterday to give me my presents...my birthdate isn't actually until tomorrow the 20th. Sigh. I'm going to be 26. I have 3 kids...but, anyway, it was truly a sight for my daughters to behold. Grandma giving Mommy presents that did nothing interesting and didn't require any batteries. How boring. I liked them, though. I got a tin full of little scented candles and a little crystal thing to burn the candles in (she used to sell all that crap, and I think she is slowly getting rid of her sample stock), and I liked it, I did. Then, I also got from her a tin (she thinks I really like tins or something...she's starting a tin collection unbeknownst to me, obviously) with a black and white cow, cuz I like Holsteins, I think. I probably wouldn't like them any longer if I had to milk them or smell them or something, but, I think they are pretty in all of their bi-colored cow glory whenever I see them. So, anyway, the said tin contained 26 (cuz I'm turning 26) gold dollars in it. I thought that was cool. But, I really have to figure out what the hell to spend it on or where to save it. Cuz, I don't want to have to use those for groceries. It's not fair. I never get anything cool or new that doesn't wind up in other people's stomachs around here, so, I have to use them wisely. So, the girls were just confused. They must have thought: How could someone's Mommy, especially OUR Mommy's MOMMY who is our GRANDMA get such useless and un-fun things for someone's birthday present? My 4 year old remarked that I hadn't gotten any toys. I explained to her, that Mommy just needed some things for show, that YOU BETTER NOT BREAK. They were all confused.
My 4 year old is also very worried, cuz she has observed that Mommy is the ONLY ONE who cooks or bakes around this joint, so, Mommy isn't going to want to make her own birthday cake, so WHO ON EARTH is going to give Mommy her cake? I can't tell if she is worried more about me not having a birthday cake which is such a strong tradition in our house or, that she can't imagine a day without a dessert. She's kind of like those alcoholics who find any reason to drink. As long as it's someone's birthday, there HAS TO be a cake...and she just BETTER get a PIECE of it.
So, my birthday is tomorrow. I have no idea what Jimbo is going to get me, and this perturbs me somewhat. Cuz, he is an airhead. I'm afraid of him forgetting what day it is or forgetting to have enough money to get me something or not thinking that I want to go somewhere to eat or something for my special day...I'm worried. We will see, I will keep everyone posted. Maybe, I should assign someone like my best friend or my sister to "call him without me knowing" to discuss with him what a little birdy told them that I wanted. No, I don't think it would run as smoothly as it sounds. He would just hand the phone off to me and not really listen to what they had said. "Heather, it's for you..." And, damn, their plan was blown. Oh, well. I'll try to trust him. He better not fuck this up.
So, we got a tree and I'm a different brand of Grinch, cuz, I made everyone go to bed on Saturday after we put it up in the living room and I decorated it ALL BY MYSELF. I steal people's joy that way. My friend called me a Killjoy once. And, she's right. I decorated it all by myself. The next day, everyone asked me why I didn't wait until the next day to let everyone join in. I just smiled and said I couldn't help myself or something like that. The truth is, I don't trust anyone. For all I know, they would break anything they touched. And, the angel would get set in the middle of the tree or something. I don't trust anyone's judgement. I'm going to grow up into a weird old lady if I don't do something about that. I like to control the holidays. I am a holiday-aholic. I probably won't ever let my kids help me bake cookies either. I kill joy.
