2000-11-30 - 17:02:18
Rrrriiiiiinnnnnnnggg!
(Oh, that must be Jimbo, I'll answer it.)
"I sucked"...laughter...
"Hello?"
"Uh, Heather, yes, may I speak to a Hedderbox? Is this Heather?"
"Uh, yes..."
"Uh, hi, this is Calvin Cole (rhymes with fucking asshole) with Client Services..."
"Oh, yes. Hi."
"We show in our records that we have not received, blah, blah, blah, for the sum of blah, blah, blaaaaaahhhhh..."
"Yes, I know, I'm sorry I will send it in about one week, okay?" Hand straying toward the *OFF* button.
"Well, see, Miss Box, that's not good enough. Blah, blah, blah, payment arrangements...blah, blah, blah..."
"Look, I'll send it in one week. Okay? Sorry it's been so long."
"Blah, blah, contract stating blah, blah, blah...duh, duh, blah, blah...."
Tears well up in my eyes. "I know all this and I'm not avoiding you guys on purpose, believe me, I know they want and deserve their money, okay? But, I'm not going to give you my checking account number, because the money just ISN'T ALWAYS IN THERE."
"Blah, blah, blah, find an attorney...duh, blah, blah, duh..."
"Are you threatening me?"
"Blah, if you don't use Western Union today for a November payment...blah, blah, blah..."
"Look, why do you have to be so RUDE???????"
Then he rattled off something about me not doing my part in the contract and that I had no place making him out to being the bad guy here. I asked him if he was trying to say that I was going to get arrested after he mentioned that I should find an attorney for the SECOND time. He said that there are no debts or prisons to this conclusion. I asked him, "By the way, what were you saying when I answered the phone?"
"Oh, that was one of my co-workers next to me talking to me about shoes."
"Oh, really, cuz it sounded like you said that you sucked."
"No, ma'am, I said SHOES, not SUCKED."
"Oh, well, it sounded like SUCKED. That you sucked."
"Well, ma'am as I stated before, unless you Western Union to us the 60 dollars, blah, blah, blah..."
**CLICK**
I used to be a monitor. That guy would have gotten zeroes for scores in several places. First of all, for talking while the receiver was lifted on his end and being such a loser enough to be caught off guard while his call-ee was answering the phone. Second of all, for being such a magnificently brash DICKHEAD and nearly reducing the client to tears for no real reason at all.
I later called the people that had hired Calvin Cole (rhymes with MOTHERFUCKING ASSHOLE)'s collection agency to ask them why the people they hired had a right to be so rude to their clients. I briefly explained how I've moved like 3 times in the past year and how I didn't always recieve their collection letters and how I just had my third child recently, so, I wasn't working, obviously. I also mentioned that of COURSE I knew I owed them MONEY, and of COURSE I wasn't just NOT sending them payments. And, why did those people have to be so rude and entertain the thought of legal action. She basically said that it wasn't in their best interest to start legal action, etc. and that it was just their way to get rude sometimes, and that as long as I was sending SOMETHING, then it would be okay. I said thank you and we hung up.
That's when the baby started cooing. He coos before he full-blown cries, cuz, he's polite and thoughtful that way. He doesn't threaten me with legal action for late breastmilk payments. A thought then crossed my mind. Maybe I should call back Calvin Cole (rhymes with asshole) and offer him some breastmilk.
"May I please speak to Calvin Cole (rhymes with fucking asshole)?"
"Yes, hold please."
Silence, muzak, laughter, "I suck a lot..."
"This is Calvin Cole (rhymes with fucking asshole)..."
"Hi, I can't Western Union the money today, but, I have something else for you that might work out..."
"What would that be?"
"Well, I have breastmilk, would you like some? I have plenty to go around..."
"What?"
"Well, see, my baby cries, and I give him milk, so, since you were whining to me earlier, I thought, maybe you would appreciate some milk, too. Hello?"
"Ma'am, what are you talking about?"
"All I'm saying Calvin Cole...hey, did you know, your name rhymes with fucking asshole? Anyway, what I'm saying is, earlier, when you called, you were whining and crying to me about how you need me to make a payment...and when my baby cries, all I have to do is feed him some breastmilk...and then, he's happy again, and nobody is mad at each other anymore."
"Uh..."
"So, whaddaya say? Since you are all sad and stuff, and I have breastmilk which makes most whiners and criers happy...how about I just pop my tit in your mouth and give ya some titty milk? Would that make you feel better? Huh? Hello?"
Sigh.
